I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
worst night to have a conscience
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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