I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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