i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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