3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
