I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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