I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
