I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
