I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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