Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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