I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
