Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
