the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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