I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
