yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
