thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
