I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
