Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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