What did we do last night that was yellow?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
