If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
