i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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