Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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