he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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