During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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