Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
