you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
