Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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