I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
