I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
