Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You can't just leave with hair like that
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
