Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
