I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
