I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
