It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
