I hate your face
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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