You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
