I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
