Ambien. No doubt about it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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