matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
