so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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