i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
