so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
