i don't like sucking hair
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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