There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
