remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
