I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
