that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
