Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
