i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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