dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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