You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
