If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
