I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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