I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Couch. On fire.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
