theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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