i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
