Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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