addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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