Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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