youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
