Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
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