I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your cock deserves a montage
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
