apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
